[It's a terrifying thing. Even though she has only experienced it twice, bad only once, at times when Malachite's moods had forced some of the Gembonded into a feral state...
Only a fool wouldn't be afraid. And Konoha might not be smart, but she's not foolish. And she's not a liar.]
i was afraid.
[When he changed so suddenly in the market during the attack.]
because i did not know it was still NIKOLAI how much was NIKOLAI because NIKOLAI did not tell i
I'm sorry again for scaring you. That was why I kept it a secret...I didn't want to scare you away. It turns out that not all of my plans are so brilliant. I should have known you're stronger than that.
I must be running out of secrets to tell you by now.
[Except even as he types this joke, he realizes he hasn't quite run out yet.]
[how many times now have people in Lunatia, in Sumarlok, told her such a thing? they didn’t want to tell her because they didn’t want to scare her, or scare her away.]
i do not keep secret but there are some things i do not speak of if there is no need.
i have seen things heard things that i think would make even NIKOLAI sick in the heart i am grateful muchly for being protected but not if the cost is secret
NIKOLAI turning into shrieking shadow this is easy fear simple fear i was afraid
It was myself I was trying to protect. I was afraid of losing you if you knew the truth. I've gotten so used to guarding my secrets at all costs that I don't always know how to take down the walls I've built.
But I do trust you, Konoha. I'm grateful that you trust me too. And that you would still be my friend.
[For some levity he adds:]
Is shrieking shadow my new nickname? That's not half as cute as the one I gave you.
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Only a fool wouldn't be afraid. And Konoha might not be smart, but she's not foolish. And she's not a liar.]
i was afraid.
[When he changed so suddenly in the market during the attack.]
because i did not know it was still NIKOLAI
how much was NIKOLAI
because NIKOLAI did not tell i
so i did not know
is no need to be afraid.
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I'm sorry again for scaring you. That was why I kept it a secret...I didn't want to scare you away. It turns out that not all of my plans are so brilliant. I should have known you're stronger than that.
I must be running out of secrets to tell you by now.
[Except even as he types this joke, he realizes he hasn't quite run out yet.]
1/2
you should have.
[how many times now have people in Lunatia, in Sumarlok, told her such a thing? they didn’t want to tell her because they didn’t want to scare her, or scare her away.]
no subject
but there are some things i do not speak of
if there is no need.
i have seen things
heard things
that i think would make even NIKOLAI sick in the heart
i am grateful muchly
for being protected
but not if the cost is secret
NIKOLAI turning into shrieking shadow
this is easy fear
simple fear
i was afraid
but if NIKOLAI says so
i will believe is safe.
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But I do trust you, Konoha. I'm grateful that you trust me too. And that you would still be my friend.
[For some levity he adds:]
Is shrieking shadow my new nickname? That's not half as cute as the one I gave you.
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that i ever let NIKOLAI think i would turn away from truth.
[she won’t be able to not feel guilty for that. but.]
i do not want it to be new nickname
no.
no remember?
nickname is NIKOLAI
just NIKOLAI
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I'm learning that I don't know very many reasonable people. But maybe that's for the best.
Ah, that's right. Just Nikolai has a good ring to it.
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much normal
i think
many humans have monster inside
not just human
jinba too, i am sure.
what is mattering
is what the monster does.
and what the man does after.
NIKOLAI
saved i
even though i was scared of.
just NIKOLAI did.
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Thank you.
[What he feels upon reading her message cannot be encompassed by those two paltry words, but they would have to do.]
I needed to hear that.
I'll stop bothering you and let you be a good mother. Tomorrow, though, you'll get no reprieve from me.
1/2
NIKOLAI.
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another message follows, to respond to no reprieve.
00:04.]
good.