reznikolai | I N B O X

[See, that isn't the picture he was anticipating.]

I see Ponchik, ever the consummate gourmand of fine clothes, enjoyed it before I got the chance.

i might even say his enjoyment rivals yours. he looked quite pleased with himself and i learned a valuable lesson about leaving things on the bed.

i think i have a suitable replacement.

[ attached. ]

Ah, I think you're right.

Those pretty tits of yours belong on display. Perhaps I should put you in the window while I have you.

you always were a bit of a show-off

And you're not half as shy as you used to be.

The greater the risk, the greater the reward... 😉

[ Hard not to be when you just stopped being invisible, but she only thinks that. Doesn't type it. ]

what's the reward in this case? orgasms? did you discover something about yourself on the beach?

Orgasms. The satisfaction of a job well done. The thrill of trying something new.

It was exciting, wasn't it? Not knowing if someone might discover us.

now i'm wondering if you wouldn't have just asked them to join. or was that just for matt?

That was an exclusive offer for a special friend. I'll have you know my tastes are refined and selective.

are there any other special friends i should be making room for?

for now i want you all to myself though.

[Please be mine for now, she'd implored him on the beach. Seeing those words again softens him. But after weeks of her withdrawing into quiet distance nearly as often as she draws him close to her — after that dream seemed to make something fragile of them — he craves more reassurance.

After a pause long enough she may believe he's returned to his work:]

Do I still make you happy, Alina?

[Perhaps it's cowardly, asking like this instead of waiting until he gets home. But perhaps she might need the shield of distance that texting provides.]

[ The question shouldn't catch her that off guard, considering the rather tenuous place they had arrived at after that unfortunate and wonderful dream. She had wondered what it would take to return to where they were before— affirmation? Reassurance?

Perhaps they can't go back. Perhaps they shouldn't if their denial is so easily poked apart. But she is so frightened to let go of the safety it offers.

But what is she losing by looking behind her? ]

yes.
every day.

[ It doesn't feel like a full or fair explanation though. Things are left unsaid, but she is running against a clock where she doesn't know how much time is left. ]

it's not you that made me unhappy.
or us. or anything about what we have here.

it's that it's temporary.

[Every day. They're just words on a screen, indifferent by themselves, but he can hear them murmured in her voice. He knows the sound of it so well now, the way it shapes every word. The way it shines with joy and hardens with anger and wavers with sorrow. It's stuck there now.]

We knew that when we started this.

[This. This achingly beautiful mess they've created. They knew it was temporary, but they jumped in anyway, or maybe it pulled them in.]

It's a little late to undo it all now. I won't take back any of the things I've said. Or any of the things we've done together.

I thought you didn't want me to pretend to be anybody else when I'm with you.

[ He's going to break up with her, isn't he?

A break by choice rather than fate. She should feel glad. It's merciful. It's painful. Incredibly painful. She already spent one life denying who she was, why did she think she could manage another? ]

wait.

whatever you're going to say... can you just wait?
not like this.
not in text.
tell me in person, okay?

[Saints, she's dense. Or she's just learned to anticipate the worst; she's learned that nothing lasts. And in a way, she's right. But not yet.]

Tell you what?

I've just told you what I need to tell you.

[But for the conspicuous absence of those words that have been ripening on his tongue for months, growing heavier.]

Though that does remind me, I should tell you that you're beautiful when I get home. I don't say it nearly often enough.

[ Oh. ]

oh.

[ That's what she gets for jumping to conclusions, but what else is new in terms of causing trouble in their relationship? ]

well are you coming home still
(the first message still applies)
and what did you mean about pretending?

I'll be done here soon. Then I'm coming home to you, and I'll give you as much attention as you can stand.

[The next part of the message takes a little more time and thought to compose.]

I meant that I can't pretend you're any less important to me than you are.

ponchik is going to cry when you lock him out of the bedroom again.

then come home and show me.

Lucky for me, Ponchik is easy to win over. A belly rub should do the trick.

I'll show you as many times, and as many ways, as you wish, Alinochka. 😘

I N B O X

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sorry this is taking a left turn

opens mouth for more feelings

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