reznikolai | I N B O X

[ Something seriously must be going on if Gwenhwyfar feels the need to text. ]

please
tell me nothing happened

Nothing happened.

I say this because you asked me to, but thankfully it turns out to be true too.

[ She shouldn't be surprised that he seems to evade her -- or at least she thinks so. In her paranoia, she switches to video, immediately, so uncharacteristic to her usual delays.

Gwenhwyfar has started crying -- then again, she cries a lot. ]

Now isn't the time to be a smart ass about it. I want to know the truth.

[...Oh, Saints. He had thought to lighten the mood with a bit of a joke, but clearly his efforts produce the opposite effect of his intentions.]

Gwenhwyfar. [His voice is gentle but firm.] I'm all right, see? No terrible catastrophes over here.

[But he can't help but tease:]

Are you crying for me?

Nothing worked.

[ It's a very kind gesture! But also Gwenhwyfar is very emotional. ]

I wanted to ensure the potions and drinks worked for both of you before me. I just wanted to be sure-

[ She's clearly a wreck, dropping her hands in her hands and starts quietly weeping. ]

Yes.

[ Of course, she takes the joke quite literally. ]

I wanted to make sure it worked for you, I didn't want anything to happen to you.

Your sedatives have been a Saints send.

[And because she had asked him to keep her updated (also because he does feel quite bad for upsetting her):]

I could feel the monster responding when everything went dark. The sedatives helped me focus on holding it down. An extra dose of manna certainly didn't go amiss either.

[He includes this detail for purely scientific reasons, of course.]

What do you mean "nothing worked"? Is everything all right with you?

Why couldn't you just have said that from the beginning?

[ She is not pleased with his joking! but at least he's okay. Gwenhwyfar is wiping her tears from her eye. ]

Because.

[ She takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself. It doesn't work. As she speaks, she's still shaking and there are still tears rolling down her cheek.
]

I wanted to ensure that if anything were to fail for me, it would not fail for both of you. If nothing worked to calm me, then it would have no effect on any of you. If I were to lose control, then at the very least, I wanted both of you to be safe.

[ Who is the other person? She won't say.

She won't admit outright that she lost control, not yet. Her focus would still be Joric and Nikolai, no matter what happened to her. ]

It was made for humans. If it failed to contain a half-blooded demon like me, then it would never work for any of you. But it kept either one of you from losing control...

[ She is actually relieved, despite her crying. ]

In the future I will cut directly to the point.

[His tone is matter-of-fact, but he allows some warmth into his voice to soothe her. While it's...touching that she would cry over him, he also doesn't like to see her so distraught.]

Now, Gwenhwyfar...did you lose control?

[Because that's sort of what it sounds like when he pieces together all her rambling statements.]

Yes.

[ She is a little ashamed to say who she attacked, so she leaves it at just this explanation. And very quietly, she adds-- ]

I just wanted to know if you were safe.

As much as I appreciate your concern, and all that you've done for me, I wish you would let me take up some of your burden too.

[It doesn't feel right, laying his troubles on someone else's shoulders without any tradeoff. It isn't how he operates.]

I am trying to protect you.

[ She finally says it. Between him and Matt, she wants to pull her hair out, tell them that they're both idiots. Matt is too kind for his own good, but Nikolai?

He seems too idealistic. Both of them have the characteristics of Arthur that stops Gwenhwyfar from losing her composure and lashing out at them. ]

I don't know what, exactly, you could do. [ It comes off harsher than she intended, she doesn't mean to be cruel. ]

There isn't anything, only temporary solutions like manna, and I'm certain someone like you wouldn't want to touch me, anyway. That's all there is and even then, it won't stop me when I return home. It's more than you could handle and I would soon rather see that you're yourself again.

[He doesn't like to think that there could be a problem with no real solution. His nature fights against the notion. As for the temporary solution she's found...well, it's in his nature to want to be useful. Even if it seems to be in her nature to push away all offers of help.]

Why do you think I wouldn't want to touch you?

[His voice is steady but gentle.]

I haven't been the kindest to you.

[ And... that is hard for her to even admit. She knows she's been rude, short-tempered, and patronizing with him.

Still, there has always been a reason for it, it was she thought was needed to protect him from her. Gwenhwyfar scoffs at herself as well, waving a hand despite her tear. ]

There are far more pretty, kinder women out there, anyway.

I don't see why cuddling any of those "prettier, kinder women out there" precludes me from doing the same with you.

[His tone is teasing, but the words are sincere.]

And you may not always be nice, but you are kind, Gwenhwyfar. Those are not the same thing.

[ She is... genuinely unsure how to take that from him. Here she was expecting to be the butt of any of his jokes and teasing for as long as she interacted with him and their relationship would be nothing but a business exchange. He couldn't really think of her as friendship material, she concluded.

But because she doesn't know how to handle what he says and cannot process her feelings, she childishly whispers- ]

Those are the same things.

[He has met a majority of his friends through shared traumatic experiences; therefore Gwenhwyfar is a perfect candidate.]

No, a nice woman might smile and say all manner of polite things to your face, but turn away from you when you most need help. Say, when you turn unexpectedly into a bloodthirsty monster.

A kind woman, on the other hand, might snap at you and grumble, but ultimately...she's willing to help carry a burden that is not hers to carry.

[ And yet, Gwenhwyfar still can't take a compliment. ]

It's just the right thing to do. It's what I should do.

[ Not just as herself, but a queen. ]

And that, my dear, is what makes you kind.

[A short sigh.]

I get the sense that we could argue the point in circles, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Sorry.

[ Thanks to him, she realizes how that could lead to a never-ending argument, especially without the context of her obligations of becoming a queen. ]

I... I would still like to continue doing what I can for you and this other person.

Someday, you will learn how to accept a compliment. Practice makes perfect, Gwenhwyfar.

Until then, I will continue to appreciate it your help.

Uh.

[ Hey, at least he's gotten her to stop crying. Gwenhwyfar awkwardly runs a hand through her hair. ]

Right.

There, that's much better. Here, will this help cheer you up?

[He stays on video, but there's a pause as he fiddles with his phone. Shortly, Gwenhwyfar will receive a photo attachment, starring Ponchik of course! The oversized mound of fluff lies stretched out on a sofa, paws and face resting on the upholstered arm of it.]

Cavall's would-be dearest friend!

He's, uh... cute.

[ He is! But after crying to the point of new hysterics, Gwenhwyfar is feeling a little drained. And the friendly talk Nikolai engages in throws her through a small loop, yet again. ]

They... they would have to meet one another. Cavall doesn't know his scent... It doesn't work if he can't smell him.

I do understand how dogs work.

[He sounds amused more than anything.]

Hence why I said "would-be" dear friend.

You could have fooled me.

[ Is it a joke or is she being serious? It's hard to tell with that deadpan tone. ]

Then I suppose he can meet Cavall.

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