[ Oh, no. Nikolai's being so nice. So sweet and understanding, in a way that instantly unravels all Matt's brittle not-freaking-out defenses like water sloshed on sugar. When Nikolai takes his hands, Matt nearly buckles; he can feel, of all things, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. ]
Fuck, sorry, [ he says, pulling a face of wry self-deprecation. ] I'm okay, everything's fine, I just ...
[ "When your body decides it would rather be a stranger" is right. Matt's always been ambivalent about the sapphire's changes; he knows his body so intimately that he keenly feels each difference, like the absence of a familiar stair.
His body has been his astrolabe for a decade now, guiding him through a vast and scintillating cosmos. When it changes, he doesn't entirely know where he is. ]
Lying down would be good, [ he decides. His fingers knit around Nikolai's. ] Do you wanna come upstairs ...?
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Fuck, sorry, [ he says, pulling a face of wry self-deprecation. ] I'm okay, everything's fine, I just ...
[ "When your body decides it would rather be a stranger" is right. Matt's always been ambivalent about the sapphire's changes; he knows his body so intimately that he keenly feels each difference, like the absence of a familiar stair.
His body has been his astrolabe for a decade now, guiding him through a vast and scintillating cosmos. When it changes, he doesn't entirely know where he is. ]
Lying down would be good, [ he decides. His fingers knit around Nikolai's. ] Do you wanna come upstairs ...?