Just about every doubt you have about being a Saint, I've had about being king.
Who am I without a problem to solve? What good am I if I can't fix what's broken in Ravka? How could our people continue to respect me, to love me, if they knew the monster I hide inside myself? If they knew that I'm starting to think I don't want to give up my claws and wings anymore?
I hate how easily I fell in love with the life I'm allowed to have here. How easily I fell in love with you.
I hate that everything I do ultimately serves me most of all. I hate that you doubt my love, but I hate even more that I've given you every reason to doubt.
Truthfully, I don't know. Did I want to make you happy because you deserve it after all you've endured, or because I can't stand being alone? Did I fall in love with you because you're YOU, or because you represent everything I can't have and desperately want?
I wish I could say the right thing. But I don't even know what that would be right now.
no subject
Just about every doubt you have about being a Saint, I've had about being king.
Who am I without a problem to solve? What good am I if I can't fix what's broken in Ravka? How could our people continue to respect me, to love me, if they knew the monster I hide inside myself? If they knew that I'm starting to think I don't want to give up my claws and wings anymore?
I hate how easily I fell in love with the life I'm allowed to have here. How easily I fell in love with you.
I hate that everything I do ultimately serves me most of all. I hate that you doubt my love, but I hate even more that I've given you every reason to doubt.
Truthfully, I don't know. Did I want to make you happy because you deserve it after all you've endured, or because I can't stand being alone? Did I fall in love with you because you're YOU, or because you represent everything I can't have and desperately want?
I wish I could say the right thing. But I don't even know what that would be right now.