What do you want me to say Nikolai? I hate him. That's the truth. I loathe him. I haven't forgotten what he's done. To me. To you. To Genya. To all of Ravka.
But part of me understands him too. And I hate that too. I hate that I don't know what I would be if I wasn't a solution to a problem. That even though I'm a so called saint people still mob me and want to wear my bones. That if I couldn't be a saint, I don't know how long would I be tolerated. That I want more power than any Grisha should have. That it was a relief to think I died in the fold because it meant I didn't have to contend with being the savior any longer. That a happy ending with my power ripped from me sounds more like a punishment than a reward. That I'm never sure if you wanted me or what I could do for you. That I'm never sure if you love me or just the idea that you could have me. Those are the ugly parts of me.
Do you love that Alina? Or are you in love with a story you told yourself about her.
no subject
I hate him. That's the truth. I loathe him. I haven't forgotten what he's done. To me. To you. To Genya. To all of Ravka.
But part of me understands him too.
And I hate that too.
I hate that I don't know what I would be if I wasn't a solution to a problem.
That even though I'm a so called saint people still mob me and want to wear my bones.
That if I couldn't be a saint, I don't know how long would I be tolerated.
That I want more power than any Grisha should have.
That it was a relief to think I died in the fold because it meant I didn't have to contend with being the savior any longer.
That a happy ending with my power ripped from me sounds more like a punishment than a reward.
That I'm never sure if you wanted me or what I could do for you.
That I'm never sure if you love me or just the idea that you could have me.
Those are the ugly parts of me.
Do you love that Alina?
Or are you in love with a story you told yourself about her.